Emotionally battered!

For once in my life I have stumbled upon something that I truely appreciate and treat with very much care and affection. My feelings are sincere and extremely far from being dishonest. It was something truely magical that happened and I can only say it was an act of God rather than a result of human nature. It seemed impossible but turned out to be possible. I think??? Arghhhhhhh!

I am not perfect, but I try my best to be. If there are mistakes or pitfalls, I am sensitive enough to ask and strive with the willingness to change. I am a sucker for it and I just want it to be great! I have been through so much but this time I have truely found myself and managed to fine meaning in what I really want to achieve in my life.

I am man enough to admit that I do break down and cry due to feeling hurt and not trusted. I totally feel broken and disconnected from the circle that connected us. I feel abandoned and gone astray from my owner who I thought believed in me. Could I have been so naive? Do I have difficulty in gauging the emotions and feelings of the people I meet? Am I a social outcast?

I have done far from ordinary to prove my worthiness. Most importantly my acts came from my inner honesty, love and over - caringness that may have been perceived as too overbearing. I am not chasing for the next Nobel Peace Prize. For the people that trully have been with me through thick and thin, know that I want nothing but happiness. Happiness is not something that is of numeric value but the gratification of achieving effective living!

I am humble enough to over-hear the good words that are said on the street. I am even stubborn enough to feel I have done enough. I cannot let things rest so easily or for eternity. It's the challenges and difficulties that are poked at me that keep me on my toes to strive even harder to be a better man!

As a science student, everything has it's limits and thresholds. When will mine be? I keep asking myself as I am starting to feel clueless about what is going to happen next. I leave it in the hands of God. Not that I never tried but I have tried so much that I am exhausted. I truely depend on spiritual aid to show me this light. I may sound like a loser but I know you wouldn't even make it 1/4 of what I had to face! Find it hard to believe? Believe it! Haha!

A river is never completely beautiful until you see what is at the end of it!

I have been mocked for my trust and my confidence has been questioned limitless. It seems that the perception that people have is far from the baddest! It is like in the movie The Sixth Sense where the unthinkable is actually real and vice versa.

How can one feel or not appreciate all that I have done but to think that I am actually passing my time waiting for a better deal? For people who know me, I dun have time to waste! I got more better things to do in life like LIVING! God gave us this life with so many things we can do that are soooooo fun! Why are we wasting it thinking and worrying of the unthinkable!

I am not the wisest advisor about love/ relationship but I think I am old enough to know what it stands for. I guess love is when you really fall for that someone whole heartedly. It is only meant for that one person! Loving more than one would be called infidelity or adultery! We all know it is wrong and is never the right thing to do to that someone whom we have confessed to.

Then again, there are people who just want more and better. I doubt what they are looking for is more mentally compatible but rather "pleasurably" compatible! It personifies and just makes it difficult for the good ones to shine! It's like the gears on a mountain bike that make it harder to cycle!

For the people that have come to a conclusion that I am a player, I thank you for the over-estimate in me. I am afraid to have disappointed you that I am not the man you see or think I am. I am neither rich nor the most handsome of my kin so I don't really think highly of myself from this aspect. However if you do, please understand that I am not dumb enough to fall for just any lass who can spread her legs or looks cute with the "peace" sign everytime she takes a photo!

It will take far more than this to fully be aware of what I want out of any relationship. Some make the cut as friends, the unfortunate ones; hi and bye! Your wrong speculations and curiosity of me can go on for 10 generations to come but in this lifetime I can already give you the answer that you hunger for, that are stimulating your humanly senses! I guess it's how much you know the true me.

I do admit that in the time that we have here on earth, we have different chapters; good and bad. The life that we had before our current moment now is the PAST! We never knew it would turn out that way neither we knew what we would feel NOW. I guess this is somethng that is far beyond our mortal capabilities and can only be depended on by our Creator. We cannot regret the PAST but learn from them for a better future!

The same can be said about our future. As about our future, we can only hope and make the best of what we have now. Better than worrying and stressing about it correct? Haha!

Some people may confront me and say hey that sounds like me. But F*ck you coz this is my story on my blog!