Remorsed

I have been through a lot of hurdles these years and now another one. I am just too ashame to admit what happened. It is a big lost! The more I think about avoiding problems, the more I get myself into them. It is a lesson that life is really never easy. Dreaming of sunny days and all smiles does not work for me. I guess it is about inner happiness!

What had never been dreamed of, did happen. It slowly came to a halt; a realization that it was not meant to be. Not for us and not for the people that we love the most including our friends.

It is sad to lose someone that has meant so much to you. The good and bad times will now be memories. Memories or phases in life that has contructed who I am and who I shall be in future.

The heart can no longer continue. What was once full, is now surprisingly empty. I guess the priorities and goals have evolved. There was parallelism but instead now separatism. A separation to continue life on our own and seek individual gratification. The results can be positive and also negative. However, life must continue. We need strength to continue our journey while on this earth.

Time now is not easy. The heart is very heavy and filled with sadness. How should I continue? How do I heal? I put myself in God's arms. I can only imagine Him hugging me and holding me tight with me crying out in His arms. I beg for His merciful forgiveness. It was my human failure that had led me to this state. I am scared I may have gone against God's plan. But this is what we want now.

The thoughts keep running in my mind almost all the time. What the hell happenned? It happenned so swiftly and I don't know why I let it go so easily. After all my hardships in building it, I just let it go this time. Very confusing.

My mind is not at peace. I need time to heal. I need time to reflect on what happenned before, now and the future.

I imagine myself laying naked on the floor. Just as the words from Natalie Imbruglias song Naked or whatever the name is. I feel I have nothing and my energy drained.

When moments like Christmas especially soon round the corner, you feel sad. Christmas is all about fun and sharing it with your loved ones. This year it will be very lonely for me. Not because I don't have my family and my friends but because I wanted a quiet and composed time to gather my strength. I selfishly would like to see this moment past although it is a happy event. It is a time of the Christian calendar when God brings us all together as a family to celebrate the birth of Jesus who changed the earth. A very important time in the Christian calendar. I must focus on this important Christian celebration and put my personal thoughts aside.

Honestly, I always believe in happiness. Happiness not only for me but for all who walk this earth. It is something that is free and is entitled. I do not want to be the reason for that someone to be suppressed of that happiness. I really prefer to see that person happy and enjoying life.

Since I am not that person to provide that happiness, I beg to God on my knees and pray for that person to achieve it. I am confident there will be a better replacement. That is all I sincerely wish for.

I feel like an old Volvo that has reached the end of my era, to be replaced with newer Volvos that serve their owners better and provide more.

I apologize for my short-comings and the times that I had failed to fulfill what was desired of.

Pls do not see this as me being sympathetic or the nice guy. I speak my mind and how my heart feels. I know now a lot of ppl hate me for what has happenned. But pls, give us the respect and time to heal and not point fingers.

It is was a difficult decision to come to and something very sacred to us that we have realized and want to do what is best for each other.

Is going fast the new way to go?

(Photo from Google: Can you guess what car this is?)

Tom's, Greddy, Apexi! These are some of the after-market performance car brands that are mushrooming as a result of a trend to go faster than normal. I sometimes feel it is the fault of the emergence of Formula 1 in Malaysia and influence of the Japanese car culture that has made an impact on the Malaysian shores. Prices for these after-market parts are astronomical compared to a simmillar OEM part that is of equivalent quality and function.

An average income person for example, is forking out loads of money trying to make a mid-range car look like a race-rally car; modified engine, exhaust, fancy rims, bodykits. Money like that should be well spent on a good investment plan, childrens future education or healthcare. But people fail to see these as an importance but rather than their selfish greed of feeling accepted by peers or in a car club.

Times have changed! Looking back at the old days of the 60s and 70s when our parents could afford quality built continental cars, prices of cars then were not so high, cost of metal was cheaper and the automobile was just being introduced in Malaysia to the average individual. Most importantly, it is the economy that has changed. A brand new Volvo in the 80s cost around RM 50, 000. Today it is over RM 200, 000. Almost 4x more! Hence, we cannot compare to the times of the 60s and 70s because the economy has grown and changed so drastically. The value of metal is so much greater; the value of metal for money that you get today for a new car cannot be compared to cars built in the 60s or 70s. Back then you get a lot more metal for your money which is of course value for money and worth the money spent. Just look at the strength of car panels and rigidity of car frames we see today.

The mid-range cars these days are built for a purpose. They are supposed to be cheap, low maintainance, low consumption and comfortable for a small family or for the new working class adult. They are vehicles that are meant for easy commuting, getting you safely from point A to point B. 0-100 or BHP is not the primary criteria here and should not be compared to the likes of German or Italian automobiles like BMW and Ferrari. It is totally a different segment.

I do not see a car as just a car. They all fall under different segments. Perodua, Proton, Toyota and Honda are meant to be mid-range cars. Then there is the high range cars like BMW, Mercedes and Audi. Above that segment, there are luxurious cars like Bentley and Rolls-Royce. In another segment there are sports cars like Ferrari and Lamborgini. Being in a different segment, each vehicle has it's purpose, build quality and functions differently. You can't really compare the BHP of a Perodua Kancil with a Lotus Elite can you? That would be so dumb. It would be even dumber to see a Kancil tail-gating a Ferrari on the expressway. :S

As I drive around Penang town, I see more and more heavily modified mid range cars. So what's with the extra power? Are they planning on competing in the next Japan GT or F1?

Take for example my Myvi. Simple and practical. Gets me places and it's relatively cheap and safe to commute compared to a motorcycle. It would be absurd to over-do it with wild bodykits and a loud exhaust. It was built to be a simple car and I have so much fun with it although it is plain simple. To me, fun would be defined as taking my family, friends and dog out in it. The car takes me to new places and discovering new things when I travel within Malaysia! It's these memories that I wish to cherish rather than driving like a maniac and putting me and my passengers at risk.

I mean don't get me wrong. I love the Subaru Imprezza and Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution! They are good racing cars and they were built for it. These hot cars can be used for doing 1/4 miles, drifting or donuts and you would feel at ease! They are built for motorsports and is most ideal. The body's overall reinforcement and suspension settings help the driver achieve the ultimate driving exprience that they are pursuing.

Taking a Myvi, modifying it with bodykits and loud exhaust system does not prove it to be a sports car or bringing it close to the likes of the Subaru or Mistsubishi. Even the Proton Wira that owners modify to the best they can to make it look and feel like a Mitsubishi Evution III, falls short to the latter. No way can it be made to be equal. The material, quality and workmanship is vastly different. The Wira is built at a lower cost to make it a cheap selling car in it's era and technology and quality put in cannot be compared to the guys at Mitsubishi.

Both vehicle and owner go hand-in-hand towards making road safety a reality rather than an aspiration.

With more and more people getting educated and campaigns carried out by the government to promote road safety, it is surprising that people do not adhere to it. People like this are well off with nice luxurious cars but drive fast on small/ narrow roads like in Penang's town centre. How can you explain the intelligence of this people? They are not stupid. These are the new breed of professionals. They are just plain ignorant when it comes to road safety.

Driving carefully and courteously should be the "in thing" instead. It should be a reflection on the driver's wisdom, maturity and understanding of safety. You may not be as fast from 0-1oo km/h but atleast you arrived safely and stress free to your destination. Driving fast only forces you to increase your alertness but most drivers fail and end up in crashes. We are only human. The faster you drive, the slower your reflexes are to react to emergencies or unforseen situations; dog or car coming accross the road. These unforseen situations are unpredictable but potentially can happen while driving on the road. You can't really blame these other reasons for an accident when actually it's the driver that needs to be careful and practice safe driving.

When we are on the road, we all have our own plans of going to our destination in our own ways. For example, we can't really get pissed off and honk at a car that has come out of the intersection when it is your right to the road ahead. Possibly, he has waited a while at the intersection but can't come out due to heavy flow of on-coming traffic. Sometimes, it could be an emergency. I mean emergencies do happen like rushing to hospital, late for work or appointment. Today, it may be that guy who rushed out of the intersection. Tommorrow, it could be you. Have a heart! :)

People seem to go fast like their rushing. Rushing for what? Are these people rushing because they are so bad at managing their time that everything needs to be done fast? Actually, as technology continues to grow, it is suppose to make our lives easier and stress free, hence, I do not see the reason to rush and get yourself stressed out which forces you to drive unsafely.

TV shows like Top Gear and Extreme Machines do display the ultimate performance of a car. To achieve the overall goal of proving to the audience the full potential of these vehicles, the cars are tested by trained and experienced professionals under safe conditions like an empty air-field or racing circuit. The cars are driven fast on these conditions without jeopardizing safety.

AAM organizes plenty of defensive driving courses. I feel the government should applaud and encourage more trainings for defensive driving. Defensive driving does not mean preparing you for road bullies or driving like a F1 driver. It's purpose is to educate motorist to drive responsibly and with awareness to the full functions and safety of your vehicle.

However, these trainings can be expensive but it is possible for the government to partly sponsor participants for these driving courses. Afterall, I don't see it as a problem partially sponsoring considering we pay high car prices, car taxes and road taxes. JPJ should come out with this proposal to the government.