I am sorry that I could not give more...

In life sometimes we really give our best towards others but we still have not done enough.
I am not talking giving monetary but giving ourselves wholely towards caring for others.
I know we are faced with such humanly limitations and sometimes environmental limitations but that is the best we can do.

No one is perfect and we are bound to hit a speed-bump every now and then. I just don't understand why people don't realize our good intentions and realize that is much as we can do to help.

Whatever I have done good, I hope people see that and not ridicule me. For when I am no longer around, you gonna feel the difference and it will be a big loss. Trust me as this has happened before to the others who have come accross me. We cannot stop time but it's good to stop and appreciate what we have now. When tommorrow comes, we can only remember the good moments, now history.

Whatever I have done bad, I am humble enough to apologise. I can clarify that the reason to my mistakes is because of limitations of my capability and also to human nature which is complicated. We are all different and we have to live with each others differences as it is the only human thing to do.

I have so much pressure from my critics. All are looking down on me and hope to see me fail! They think it will be a bad ending but a good one for them to reap the reward. My failure will be a good time for them to cease the moment and act as the good guy to repair the brokeness.

As a guy, I know where u coming from lah joe! Haha! I am in this game also myself. I may not have the same game plan as you but I can foresee the strategy you are planning.

Then there are others who have threatened me so much that if anything goes wrong they will punish me. Some have told me they would kill me and others have told me they will kick my butt. Mother f*cker you think I some small kampung boy equipped with my sarung and my jamban slipper u can smack. Trust me, you hit me, you better make sure you ready to get hit by me I tell u. U will be freaking sorry man.

I may look innocent and harmless. But I leave my "weapons" at home and they are always ready! My silence all this while has finally been broken. Broken because I have realized that I can no longer be manipulated!

You guys think you are all so darn perfect. But I can challenge you that you got NOTHING.
REALLY GOT NOTHING!

Already at an initial stage people do not have faith in me and are anticipating things to turn out ugly. Automatically I will be the bad person and they can take their chance to have their way with me.

These b*stards do not realize it takes two to tango and not just me. If it was just me I rather live a selfish and self-pity life alone! Then if anything were to go wrong, you can rightfully blame me.
It goes to show how narrow minded you are to think that I am the only bad guy here. I guess this is a reflection on how your own relationship exist or struggles to exist. If you can take swipes at me, now is the time to take swipes at you all.

I have been to nice to you all. But sometimes being nice to people is of no use. I am Catholic and I know it is wrong and I beg God for mercy. However, in order to survive in this "dog eat dog world" I have to adapt to this worldly nature of dealing with such complicated people and sinners. You can burn as much jossticks as you want or pray 5 times a day but you are hypocrites to your belief as all religions teach good things.

Many people for years have told me I am too nice. These people who actually told me this, cared for me and did not want to see me get bullied because I cared for them. No they were not family or blood relation but lay people on the street that were civic contious. They were just normal people who did not need to go overseas to get education and some who did not have education. But they had good emotions and good intentions and just gave me that advise.

I have not created any fictional story here for your pleasure but have brought out the truth base on my experience without any baseless findings. The past that has brought me to the man I am today has taught me so many things and thankfully has given me the experience to cope with what I currently have. Trust me, living away from home for almost 6 years has deffinitely been a turning point in my life where I have learnt so many things and be thankful for.

The excitement is on with the Permatang Pauh election round the corner!

We all know that Wan Azizah, the wife of Dr Anwar Ibrahim is no politician. She came into the spotlight and getting herself involved in politics when her husband was jailed for "alledged" sodomy back in 1998. She together with few other politicians at that time formed Parti Keadilan Rakyat @ PKR.

Does it make you wonder if Dr Anwar's punishment was politically motivated as he was an arising politician in the Malaysian political arena?

After Dr Anwar finished his term of being banned from politics for 5 years, Wan Azizah stepped down from her position as MP for Permatang Pauh which began the move to have an election for the constituency in 2008. He will challenge Datuk Arif Shah Omar Shah from the main party in Malaysia in the elections fixed for 26th August 2008. Dr Anwar is considered the opposition party, the term that has been given or should I say has been labelled to parties who are challenging the rulling party.

Whatever that this attention seeker called Saiful who is accusing Anwar, again of sodomy after being released from jail, is saying to the media, blogging about and swearing on the Holy Quran in mosques, let it be. Let the truth prevail by the courts and not out of the courts. Yes we may be a little sceptical on the court's rulling but let it be. What is to be is to be and we leave it in God's hands.

Despite whatever I hear about Malaysia, as a Malaysian I still have some hope for this country.
I love the people, food, nice places to visit, rich history and it's achievements so far from when it started.

Regardless of whoever the opposition is, it can be party ABC or XYZ, it's time we Malaysians or specifically residents of Permatang Pauh to consider what has happened in the past as a result of choosing the rulling party. The rulling party have been managing Malaysia for the past 51 years till today.

Are we really happy with what we see and hear from the mass media? How sure are you that what ever has been messaged to us isn't politically motivated? Politically motivated in the sense of the history books that we read in school, the news we hear on the TV and what we read in the newspapers. How sure are you that everything is exposed and nothing is covered from us; the people that choose the government?

The general elections back in March 2008 is a clear indication that we Malaysians have somewhat come to realizing and have rose to the occassion with the desire for change. How we live and our livelihood is dictated by these politicians.

Just look at the hike in petrol as soon as the rulling government came into power as a result of mens greed! Malaysia has petrol as a natural resource but we handle it so bad because we have the "pandai" idea to export it rather than use it for our own bennefit. Today, Najib threatens us by saying that they will reconsider the rebate scheme if we are not satisfied with the latest slight drop of 15 cents per litre of petrol to RM 2.55 . WTF?

Are you trying to threaten us like some budak from some kampung who is a blady sore loser for losing in ur "guli" @ marble game?

After 51 years of independence, extensive growth in the country's economics and more local institutions of higher learning mushrooming, do you actually think that we Malaysians are actually that naive or willing to bow to worship you just because you control our petrol? The petrol hike has even inflated the CPI (Consumer Point Index) of Malaysia by 8.5 % which is unhealthy and if nothing done can cause a massive recession! As it is already, Malaysians are suffering thanks to these ignorant people.

By the way the announcement for the reduction in price of petrol came 10 days earlier than what our beloved PM Ahmad Badawi told us which is before the elections in Permatang Pauh.

Kenapa? Takut kalah LAGI ker?

Nicol David took many years to get her Datukship after achieving so much in her career in squash. On the other hand, national shutler who won a silver medal in the 2008 Beijing Olimpics, Lee Chong Wei, is promised Datukship with the extravagant RM 3 000 monthly pension FOR LIFE by the federal government. Coincidently he hails from mainland Penang, near to Permatang Pauh. Wow, what a coincidence don't you think?

So I hope everything goes well in the elections in Permatang Pauh and that voters vote wisely considering some of the topics that I have mentioned above.

Whatever it is, let us hope it would be a peaceful affair that sustains what we Malaysians have enjoyed with our friends of different races and beliefs over the years. It is very nice to see people of different races together at the coffee shop or cinema enjoying themselves. Throughout my stay in different parts of Malaysia, the most evident that such a culture exist is in Penang!

Emotionally battered!

For once in my life I have stumbled upon something that I truely appreciate and treat with very much care and affection. My feelings are sincere and extremely far from being dishonest. It was something truely magical that happened and I can only say it was an act of God rather than a result of human nature. It seemed impossible but turned out to be possible. I think??? Arghhhhhhh!

I am not perfect, but I try my best to be. If there are mistakes or pitfalls, I am sensitive enough to ask and strive with the willingness to change. I am a sucker for it and I just want it to be great! I have been through so much but this time I have truely found myself and managed to fine meaning in what I really want to achieve in my life.

I am man enough to admit that I do break down and cry due to feeling hurt and not trusted. I totally feel broken and disconnected from the circle that connected us. I feel abandoned and gone astray from my owner who I thought believed in me. Could I have been so naive? Do I have difficulty in gauging the emotions and feelings of the people I meet? Am I a social outcast?

I have done far from ordinary to prove my worthiness. Most importantly my acts came from my inner honesty, love and over - caringness that may have been perceived as too overbearing. I am not chasing for the next Nobel Peace Prize. For the people that trully have been with me through thick and thin, know that I want nothing but happiness. Happiness is not something that is of numeric value but the gratification of achieving effective living!

I am humble enough to over-hear the good words that are said on the street. I am even stubborn enough to feel I have done enough. I cannot let things rest so easily or for eternity. It's the challenges and difficulties that are poked at me that keep me on my toes to strive even harder to be a better man!

As a science student, everything has it's limits and thresholds. When will mine be? I keep asking myself as I am starting to feel clueless about what is going to happen next. I leave it in the hands of God. Not that I never tried but I have tried so much that I am exhausted. I truely depend on spiritual aid to show me this light. I may sound like a loser but I know you wouldn't even make it 1/4 of what I had to face! Find it hard to believe? Believe it! Haha!

A river is never completely beautiful until you see what is at the end of it!

I have been mocked for my trust and my confidence has been questioned limitless. It seems that the perception that people have is far from the baddest! It is like in the movie The Sixth Sense where the unthinkable is actually real and vice versa.

How can one feel or not appreciate all that I have done but to think that I am actually passing my time waiting for a better deal? For people who know me, I dun have time to waste! I got more better things to do in life like LIVING! God gave us this life with so many things we can do that are soooooo fun! Why are we wasting it thinking and worrying of the unthinkable!

I am not the wisest advisor about love/ relationship but I think I am old enough to know what it stands for. I guess love is when you really fall for that someone whole heartedly. It is only meant for that one person! Loving more than one would be called infidelity or adultery! We all know it is wrong and is never the right thing to do to that someone whom we have confessed to.

Then again, there are people who just want more and better. I doubt what they are looking for is more mentally compatible but rather "pleasurably" compatible! It personifies and just makes it difficult for the good ones to shine! It's like the gears on a mountain bike that make it harder to cycle!

For the people that have come to a conclusion that I am a player, I thank you for the over-estimate in me. I am afraid to have disappointed you that I am not the man you see or think I am. I am neither rich nor the most handsome of my kin so I don't really think highly of myself from this aspect. However if you do, please understand that I am not dumb enough to fall for just any lass who can spread her legs or looks cute with the "peace" sign everytime she takes a photo!

It will take far more than this to fully be aware of what I want out of any relationship. Some make the cut as friends, the unfortunate ones; hi and bye! Your wrong speculations and curiosity of me can go on for 10 generations to come but in this lifetime I can already give you the answer that you hunger for, that are stimulating your humanly senses! I guess it's how much you know the true me.

I do admit that in the time that we have here on earth, we have different chapters; good and bad. The life that we had before our current moment now is the PAST! We never knew it would turn out that way neither we knew what we would feel NOW. I guess this is somethng that is far beyond our mortal capabilities and can only be depended on by our Creator. We cannot regret the PAST but learn from them for a better future!

The same can be said about our future. As about our future, we can only hope and make the best of what we have now. Better than worrying and stressing about it correct? Haha!

Some people may confront me and say hey that sounds like me. But F*ck you coz this is my story on my blog!

My first day OUT of Dell!

As most of you may know, I have resigned from Dell. Going to start my SAP certification training on 8th Sept (fingers crossed!). Then try to look around for a job in KL.

So today is officially my first day out of f*cking Hell!

I am so happy I left.

Two years of inequality, disrespect and insensitivity from the people that taught you a whole new meaning of the word FAKE.

Honestly that blady CSI guy better look out! He is a captain of a ship that is sinking and dwindling in crew, thanks to him! His goals are seriously out of target and it just gets worst! He better get some advise from Captain Jack Sparrow! Lol!

But, I made a satisfactory amount of money while I was there and that matters to me the most. Did a looooooooot of overtime, work on Saturdays and sometimes even Sundays for 2 hrs OT. OT times were the best lah where we managed to rake in lots of money and we were satisfied with our job. Somehow, things changed and now it is just stinking!

Anyway, I guess I can arrogantly say, "No money, no talk".

Sorry guys if I am too emotionally or too dramatic about my experience but I am just happy to be out of it! :D

The best thing that happened was that I really made good friends that were so helpful and kind to me. Thank you so much guys! Gonna miss ya!

My dad told me to wake up early today to take my aunt to the hospital. She was having some probs with the leg. Anyway, it took a considerable part of the morning but I was happy to offer my services to my family. It has been a while since I last could be there for them with work commitments over the 2 years.

So drove the Volvo with like almost everyone in it to the hospital, then send my dad to his workplace in town. I am like his official driver. The ussual back-seat driver treatment kinda gets to you; slow, car coming, car turning etc. Haha!

I really enjoyed my lunch with my mom as we have discovered a cool malay rice shop near Edgecumbe Road. The end that is beside Lancia Motors and connects to Burmah Road. Kinda cheap and the food is tasty. Still better and cheaper then my parents choice of the ultimate Malay food at Teluk Bahang. They still go there but perhaps once a month.

Then had a goooooooooooood nap. Slept on the carpert in front of the TV.

Then got my lazy bones up and vaccummed the Volvo. Tommorrow is the Myvi turn. Haha!

I kind of like have a schedule to keep myself occupied and not bored! Haha!

When evening came, I could not help but to excitedly await Ruby to come. Sigh. I missed her so much. I think coz we worked together and saw each other a lot. But the first day was hard for me. But I guess, it should be like other couples who work in different companies. So I hope to get the hang of things. I think I called her like 5- 6 times during the day! Haha! What to do lah if the heart hungers? Haha!

Well, do watch out for more great stuff on my blog as the days go past in my life after Dell. Haha!

In honour of our Critics!

No statue has ever been erected in honour of a cricitic. Critics are people who just love to take a swipe out of us by giving us derogatory comments on us or what we did. They can never be eliminated from the human race fortunately.

The reason why I am going with fortunately is because criticism if seen from a constructive manner helps us to strengthen ourselves and points out things that could go wrong that give us the opportunity to foresee and possibily avoid.

I and even you know that we can never stand criticism. Some of it may be true while others may be extremely irrelevant to a person. Irrelevant to the point of being a form of gossip, hurtful remark, belittling ones reputation, simply naughty or totally uncalled for.

We should realize that we are all comprised of individuals who are different in so many ways. There is no one system that each of us needs to follow to achieve what we feel is right. We should never compare with others and pass harsh remarks just because we are different from one another. "Each of us may take separate paths but we will reach there eventually" - Kevin Ng (my schoolmate since Standard 1).

I acknowledge I may have a lot of critics or maybe a few. Some whom are maybe even my closest friends, colleagues or church members. Others whom I have known for ages but still can never get over me. People whom I have helped and never expected anything in return but just can't stop seeing me happy or in search of my happiness. Please to whoever who suddenly feels guilty or disturbed that I have caught you, do not worry. I am a Christian. I am Christian enough to say Thank You and I forgive you if you want to reconcile. I am the bigger person but not you. ;)

If you want to make false accusations or comments about anyone, go ahead.

At the end of the day, the person being critised knows best on how to live his or her life. Who knows that the criticism may be seen as a form of feedback that one has been enlightened to realize and be a better person? If it is for a better cause, kudos or thank you to the critic.

Otherwise, mind your own f*cking business and live the crappy life you desire! :D

To the people out there who receive such remorseful or hurting remarks, keeping silent makes you the better person. You do not have to go way down to such low standards to be on par with such critics. We can never stop criticism.

If others were to judge us or what we do, let them judge us, for when we return to God, we will be judged justly.

They know it all!

It is certainly an interesting world that we live in. There are so many kinds of people that we come accross; some that we get along and some that we really cannot stand. This is perfectly normal in nature; the reason why there exist friends and enemies! Haha!

One thing that is evident is the way they talk.

I have come accross people who I have found to be humble, generous, honest, respectful etc.

There are also people that are boastful, pretenders, rude, etc. As what normal people would do, is to choose the latter as for it's positive attributes that people want to find in a friend. It is deffinitely no good to judge people but it is good to be careful with whom you mix with.

Some people really can brag about their high taste and standards. Although sometimes, listeners around them may not want to know but they would openly brag about themselves without realizing that they are actually a bucket of laughs! But when it comes down to reality and the way they are, it seems that they don't put their words into action. One of the good things Pak Lah ever said was, "First class infrastructure, third class mentality". It is either they don't have the confidence, capacity or are just plain liars!

I do not like to see people eat their own words because I do feel it can be embaracing. I read in a book once, when you see this happening to such people, comfort them when they realized it was a mistake as it will do more good to your relationship with them in the long run and they may turn to you someday.

There are others, who when realizing that they have eaten their own words, they cover it up to maintain themselves of feeling good and not be rediculed by others. You can sense this when such people tire themselves out by defending themselves from what was initially said. They just love to maintain their position or stature in the eyes of people without being humble enough to bow down. I do not know what is so hard in saying, " Hey, I was wrong and you were right".

Whatever we may be; rich or poor; we must acknowledge the feelings of others that are listening and not offend or make someone uncomfortable. People who brag just love that feeling of being upper class than others.

There are some who love to give people advise. They just love that attention of being Oprah or Dr Phil. Some of them do not even know what the hell they are advising others because of their shallow knowledge on the subject matter. My Standard 6 teacher once said, "Empty vessels make the most noise".

As a person giving advise, you can give so much or so little advise that you want but at the end of the day it depends on the listener who is actually listening. Sometimes advisors should understand not to overwhelm people with advise that end up clouding the minds or worrying listeners. Some are great advisors but when they themselves are in the same stirring bowl, they do not know how to react and respond to such situations. Advisors are sharing their personal thoughts and must realize that a listener has every right to accept them or not. People should also understand the external factors that play hand in hand together with the advise they give out.

Listeners should also be careful and distinguish what is right advise and what is related to the listeners situation.

For example, with the current situation right now, more and more people are being advised to migrate. People love to give advise on this without realizing how difficult it is to make that first step; getting the relevant documentation to live overseas like Visa, workers permit, making new friends of different culture and background. These are the people when approached and you ask them why they themselves never moved, will give you 101 reasons why they cannot move. If they themselves cannot do it, then just shut up and not be some expert advisor on populating a new colony.

My advise is never be intimidated or influenced by what others say. Father Mark Raj from IC parish said at his last sharing, "Never let secular remarks affect you". Secular remarks is like words people say that may influence you; can either be good or bad.

Always follow what you feel is right or what works best with your lifestyle. It is difficult for an advisor to gauge the listeners situations and inner feelings. Neither should anyone change for the other person to make others feel happy while they themselves are not.

For the such people that exists in this world, it's best to be patient with them. If you have a sense of feeling uncomfortable growing within, it may be best to distant yourselves from them to avoid any unnecessary argument that may turn the relationship ugly.

At the end of the day, I feel everyone just wants to be happy and enjoy the beauty of life! :)

Cheers!

It is certainly nice after a hard day of work to head out to the bar or beer garden to have a few rounds of beer. The feeling of the first burp is like releasing all the bottled pressure in your body, leaving you with a more relaxed and calm feeling. That chilled out moment with your friends talking and laughing about anything under the sun does really create a happy feeling. I am sure that those who drink will understand where I am coming from.

However, I feel that beer can never directly solve problems, as what most people think that beer makes you forget all your troubles and heartache. If you put some thought, it just comforts you during hard or difficult times.

Those who are unaware , excess beer can lead to drunkeness, inability to think rationally and judge, unneccessary arguments and health problems. Health problems such as diabetes, heart diseases, gaut and kidney failure can occur due to excess drinking.

I am not joining any alcohol annonymous society or anything, for I too admit that I enjoy some beer every once in a while. But everyday is a NO GO for me.

I cannot understand how my friends can drink everyday. In addition, I cannot understand why they look at you in a funny way when you decide enough beer is enough or when maybe you just feel like joining them for a 'teh-tarik'.

Do they really have such a terrible life?

Have they taken a proactive approache towards reducing or deterring such problems that they may claim?

Do they actually think of their health or the welfare of their loved ones that they have to burden, God forbid if anything bad were to happen to them?

Are they thinking of the financial aspect of their excess drinking?

Do they even think of spending time with their families instead being selfish with themselves and beer?

How can you enjoy something when you have it so much?

Won't you feel 'jelat'?

I cannot drink everyday.

Firstly, my health although I may not be the most healthiest person around, I'd rather continue drinking for the rest of my life although in small quantities rather than having to give it up by the age of 40 due to some effect of excess alcohol.

Secondly, I cannot forget my family and loved ones. The family institution is so important to keep the current generation and the future generation close knit and growing together as a family in the life span that God has given us. This could be the reason why there exist broken families and kids that are ungreatful to their parents. I do acknowledge this to a certain degree and I can't blame the families who feel upset about a member of their family who is too obsessed with alcohol.

Thirdly, financial aspect. I categorize myself in the working class category as a citizen of Malaysia. I may have a little extra money in my wallet but never going to overspend it on beer. It's nice to save up for a holiday or buy something that you and your family can enjoy together. One should also save to settle any outstanding loans or think of furthering their careers to get a better job. I don't believe in signing the 555 book or overly swiping credit cards when they go through hard times without money but still want to enjoy and be merry with their beer. I find that hard to accept.

Anyway, my intention here is not to insult or teach a lesson to anyone, for anyone who can drink beer is probably old enough to think for themselves. However, if there are people who suddenly realized this, good for you and it's not too late to reconcile from this addiction. If there is such a severe and strong addiction to alcohol, I advise you to seek the advise of your doctor. They may not be able to help you directly but there are organizations that can help people combat this addiction.

It has truthfully left me concerned about these people and their families.

I pray and hope that they will open their hearts to the messages from God and will change for the better.